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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Crowd Shocked After Unhinged Trump Dangles Baby From Truman Balcony

WASHINGTON—Shocked by the reckless act of child endangerment, a crowd outside the White House stared in horror as an unhinged Donald Trump on Wednesday reportedly dangled a baby from the Truman Balcony. According to witnesses, the president emerged from the double swing doors holding a 9-month-old infant, causing the already excited crowd to cheer even louder—enthusiasm that turned to gasps, however, when Trump proceeded to lift the squirming, kicking child over the metal railing and dangle it over the two-story terrace, using just one arm to secure it. Barely able to continue holding onto the baby, witnesses said the commander in chief yanked it back over, then returned inside and closed the door. At press time, a devastated Trump had apologized, saying he was only trying to connect with his constituents, and had reportedly locked himself away as a recluse at Mar-a-Lago.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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