The Week In Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Cruel Broadcast Gods Rip Away Bonus Coverage Of Football Game

NEW YORK—Demonstrating their callous indifference to human suffering, the cruel broadcast gods ripped away CBS’ bonus coverage of Sunday’s game between the Raiders and Titans, sources confirmed this afternoon. “Okay, due to NFL rules, we’re now going to have to take you back to the studio,” said the cold, unfeeling disembodied voice as the unexpected extra footage of the matchup bestowed on the millions of television viewers was swiftly and coldly ripped away from their clutch just after they had become fully engrossed in the game’s closing minutes. “We’ll be sure to keep you updated on the score. For now, let’s take a look at some of the highlights from around the the league.” At press time, sources confirmed that the heartless broadcast gods from Fox were informing their viewers that some of them would be watching the Carolina Panthers versus the San Francisco 49ers instead of the coveted late game between the Seattle Seahawks and Green Bay Packers.

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