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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Crullers Explained

ST. PAUL, MN—After mentioning the deep-fat-fried pastry in conversation and drawing a blank stare, local man Greg Weinberg proceeded to explain crullers to his friend Jeffrey Tomlinson, sources confirmed Monday. “It’s sort of like a donut, but braided,” said Weinberg, who went on to describe the dessert as “basically a bunch of dough all twisted together.” “They’re good. You should try one.” At press time, Tomlinson had reportedly tried a cruller.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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