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Crystal Meth Hallucinations League Power Rankings - Week 2

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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Crystal Meth Hallucinations League Power Rankings - Week 2

1. Travis Wojkowski
-LAST WEEK: 2
-Wojkowski finally gets to number one on our power rankings after a strong week getting into a fistfight with his door and chasing an angry rainforest out of his bathroom.

2. Forrest Wasmer
-LAST WEEK: 11
-Big week for Wasmer, who finally broke into the top five with an incredible performance frantically feeling up a mailbox he believed to be his teenage sister.

3. Devin Vahey
-LAST WEEK: 3
-Vahey holds serve with a solid but unspectacular showing, shoving his hand down a garbage disposal he believed to be a large bird's mouth, but catching himself before he flipped the switch.

4. Owen Stanwood
-LAST WEEK: 1
-Remains to be seen if Stanwood can recover after setting fire to his legs and hallucinating the flames as a comfortable blanket.

5. Jeannie Tegurt
-LAST WEEK: Unranked
-Ever since Tammy Tegurt, her mother and former partner on the women’s doubles hallucination circuit died after running through a plate glass window, Jeannie’s been the Tegurt to watch.

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