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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Cubans: New Dictator Doing It All Wrong

HAVANA—Citing the lack of rambling six-hour speeches, cessation of random closings of entire industrial sectors, as well as a failure to condemn the U.S. for imperialist warmongering, the Cuban population has turned in an informal vote of no-confidence in acting dictator Raúl Castro. "He shows no understanding of the finer points: surprise raids on opposition newspapers conducted at 3 o'clock in the afternoon instead of 3 o'clock in the morning are not befitting a Castro," said sugar farmer Juan-Miguel Moinelo, who also lamented the total absence of any mass boat-lifts of "undesirables" during the younger Castro's tenure. "He may have the great bloodline, but our new Presidente lacks the firm-yet-arbitrary touch that Cuba has grown to appreciate." Raúl Castro has responded to criticism of his performance by saying that, if the Cuban people think government is so easy, maybe they should try running the country themselves for a change.

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