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Cubs Players Heckle Lackluster Fans In Wrigley Field Stands

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Cubs Players Heckle Lackluster Fans In Wrigley Field Stands

CHICAGO—After seeing yet another anemic, lifeless display in the stands, sources confirmed Tuesday that frustrated Chicago Cubs players began heckling the team’s lackluster fans at Wrigley Field. “C’mon! Show some heart, for God’s sake!” Cubs outfielder Nate Schierholtz reportedly screamed while his fellow teammates loudly booed the fans in the stadium. “You’re fucking pathetic! You don’t deserve to wear those colors!” At press time, irate Cubs players and coaches were seen leaving the game en masse midway through the seventh inning.

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