adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cupcake Used In NBA Slam-Dunk Contest Inducted Into Cupcake Hall Of Fame

COOPERSVILLE, NJ—The pink-frosted single-candle cupcake used in the second place-winning slam-dunk contest routine of Timberwolves guard Gerald Green has been inducted into the National Cupcake Hall of Fame by unanimous vote, the Cupcake Hall of Fame committee announced Tuesday. "We are proud that our favorite confection has once again appeared in the national spotlight and made us proud," said NCHOF Director of Selection and nationally recognized pastry chef Meg Charleton. "It has earned its place among such moist, delicious luminaries as the cupcake that went into space with John Glenn, the cupcake that flew with the crew of the Enola Gay over Hiroshima, and the cupcake Lincoln was eating that fateful night at the Ford's Theatre." Green himself will give the presenter's speech at the ceremony in March, provided he has not already eaten the cupcake.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close