adBlockCheck

Sports

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

Cupcake Used In NBA Slam-Dunk Contest Inducted Into Cupcake Hall Of Fame

COOPERSVILLE, NJ—The pink-frosted single-candle cupcake used in the second place-winning slam-dunk contest routine of Timberwolves guard Gerald Green has been inducted into the National Cupcake Hall of Fame by unanimous vote, the Cupcake Hall of Fame committee announced Tuesday. "We are proud that our favorite confection has once again appeared in the national spotlight and made us proud," said NCHOF Director of Selection and nationally recognized pastry chef Meg Charleton. "It has earned its place among such moist, delicious luminaries as the cupcake that went into space with John Glenn, the cupcake that flew with the crew of the Enola Gay over Hiroshima, and the cupcake Lincoln was eating that fateful night at the Ford's Theatre." Green himself will give the presenter's speech at the ceremony in March, provided he has not already eaten the cupcake.

More from this section

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close