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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Cupcake Used In NBA Slam-Dunk Contest Inducted Into Cupcake Hall Of Fame

COOPERSVILLE, NJ—The pink-frosted single-candle cupcake used in the second place-winning slam-dunk contest routine of Timberwolves guard Gerald Green has been inducted into the National Cupcake Hall of Fame by unanimous vote, the Cupcake Hall of Fame committee announced Tuesday. "We are proud that our favorite confection has once again appeared in the national spotlight and made us proud," said NCHOF Director of Selection and nationally recognized pastry chef Meg Charleton. "It has earned its place among such moist, delicious luminaries as the cupcake that went into space with John Glenn, the cupcake that flew with the crew of the Enola Gay over Hiroshima, and the cupcake Lincoln was eating that fateful night at the Ford's Theatre." Green himself will give the presenter's speech at the ceremony in March, provided he has not already eaten the cupcake.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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