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Politics

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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‘Curses!’ Shouts Fist-Shaking Meals On Wheels Ringleader As Trump Cuts Off Gravy Train

ARLINGTON, VA—Throwing President Trump’s 2018 budget proposal across the room in a fit of anger, James Scheri, ringleader of the Meals on Wheels America program, reportedly shook his fist in the air and shouted “Curses!” Thursday upon learning that his gravy train could soon be cut off. “Blast—my scheme has been found out!” said Scheri, his face growing red with rage after learning of the Trump administration’s plans to eliminate federal grants that fund his elaborate moneymaking swindle of delivering food to the homes of elderly and disabled Americans. “The jig is up! Now that those damned feds have gotten wind, what will become of the grand empire I have built? And what of all my many mansions and luxury automobiles? My life of Community Development Block Grant luxury might be at an end!” At press time, Scheri was excitedly rubbing his hands together after realizing the government had yet to pick up on his secret racket to make billions through federal housing programs for homeless veterans.

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