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Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Curt Schilling To Start LiveBlogging From Mound

BOSTON—Curt Schilling announced Monday that, upon his eventual return from the disabled list, he will begin liveblogging from the pitcher's mound itself in an effort order to provide the most in-depth look yet into how a player thinks when he's on the field. "38pitches.com will be going live during my next start, providing my up-to-the-minute thoughts on pitch count, how my split is working, and descriptions of what the people behind home plate are wearing, hopefully as soon as July 4 against the Devil Rays," said Schilling, who showed up to the press conference with a laptop and a pair of glasses. "Now fans will know what's going through Curt Schilling's head when he's facing young slugger Elijah Dukes with a man on second and two outs in the fifth, not to mention what I think of the alleged threats he made on his wife's life. It's really a shame—well, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I guess you're just going to have to wait!  And while you're visiting 38pitches.com, be sure to check out 38studios.com, my video-game production company. And let's find a cure for ALS." When alerted that laptops would most likely not be permitted on the mound, Schilling mentioned the possibility of hiding a Blackberry in the rosin bag.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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