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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Curt Schilling To Start LiveBlogging From Mound

BOSTON—Curt Schilling announced Monday that, upon his eventual return from the disabled list, he will begin liveblogging from the pitcher's mound itself in an effort order to provide the most in-depth look yet into how a player thinks when he's on the field. "38pitches.com will be going live during my next start, providing my up-to-the-minute thoughts on pitch count, how my split is working, and descriptions of what the people behind home plate are wearing, hopefully as soon as July 4 against the Devil Rays," said Schilling, who showed up to the press conference with a laptop and a pair of glasses. "Now fans will know what's going through Curt Schilling's head when he's facing young slugger Elijah Dukes with a man on second and two outs in the fifth, not to mention what I think of the alleged threats he made on his wife's life. It's really a shame—well, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I guess you're just going to have to wait!  And while you're visiting 38pitches.com, be sure to check out 38studios.com, my video-game production company. And let's find a cure for ALS." When alerted that laptops would most likely not be permitted on the mound, Schilling mentioned the possibility of hiding a Blackberry in the rosin bag.

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