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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Curt Schilling’s Family Urges Him To Finally See Doctor About Bleeding Ankle

MEDFIELD, MA—Insisting that his prevailing injury could be serious, family members of retired baseball pitcher Curt Schilling reportedly urged the former Red Sox starter Wednesday to finally visit a doctor about his wounded right ankle, which continues to bleed 10 years after Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS. “[Wife] Shonda and the kids keep telling me I need to get this thing checked out, but I don’t really see what the big deal is,” Schilling said of his perpetually hemorrhaging ankle, which sources confirmed has trickled an uninterrupted stream of blood without clotting since the legendary playoff game a full decade ago. “I do wake up every morning to find the bottom of my bedsheets stained with blood, but look, I can still walk on my right foot all right. It’s just one of those old baseball injuries, you know? Nothing to worry about.” Schilling went on to say that unless it’s an absolute emergency, he has generally been reluctant to see any doctor ever since he lost his health insurance upon retiring from baseball in 2009.

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