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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Curt Schilling’s Family Urges Him To Finally See Doctor About Bleeding Ankle

MEDFIELD, MA—Insisting that his prevailing injury could be serious, family members of retired baseball pitcher Curt Schilling reportedly urged the former Red Sox starter Wednesday to finally visit a doctor about his wounded right ankle, which continues to bleed 10 years after Game 6 of the 2004 ALCS. “[Wife] Shonda and the kids keep telling me I need to get this thing checked out, but I don’t really see what the big deal is,” Schilling said of his perpetually hemorrhaging ankle, which sources confirmed has trickled an uninterrupted stream of blood without clotting since the legendary playoff game a full decade ago. “I do wake up every morning to find the bottom of my bedsheets stained with blood, but look, I can still walk on my right foot all right. It’s just one of those old baseball injuries, you know? Nothing to worry about.” Schilling went on to say that unless it’s an absolute emergency, he has generally been reluctant to see any doctor ever since he lost his health insurance upon retiring from baseball in 2009.

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