CVS Now Selling Cheaper, CVS-Brand 'People' Magazine

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Vol 46 Issue 31

NFL Fans Turn Out In Droves To Watch Men Touch Cones

NEW YORK—Fans of professional football turned out more than 100,000 strong last week to watch grown men perform calisthenics, huddle around one another, and even run up to and touch orange cones, spokesmen for the NFL said Wednesday.

Illinois Does A Few Adult Films To Make Ends Meet

SPRINGFIELD, IL—After ending the 2010 fiscal year with a record $4.7 billion in unpaid bills, officials say Illinois has been actively pursuing a number of sexually explicit scenes in direct-to-DVD features until it gets back on its feet.

Albert Haynesworth

The Redskins' defensive lineman has a checkered past and is currently struggling to get into condition. Is he any good?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

CVS Now Selling Cheaper, CVS-Brand 'People' Magazine

WOONSOCKET, RI—In an effort to provide a budget-conscious equivalent to People magazine, CVS drugstores nationwide began selling the store-brand CVS Celebrity Magazine on Wednesday. "We think our publication is comparable in quality to the big name-brand magazines, but with an obvious cost-savings advantage," said night pharmacist and editor-in-chief Marvin Kuppering, showing reporters a grainy photo of Angelina Jolie's elbow that will appear in next week's Beach Bodies section. "Whether you want to read about Michael Chiklis' trip to Nevada to visit his aunt, or see who won our annual 'Handsomest Fellow in the World' award, CVS Celebrity Magazine has it all." Kuppering went on to hint at an upcoming exclusive lid-blower concerning Tom Arnold and the Los Angeles Parking Violations Bureau.

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