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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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D Battery Elected To Philadelphia Sports Hall Of Fame

PHILADELPHIA—A voting panel of journalists and prominent sports figures elected the D battery to the Philadelphia Sports Hall of Fame Sunday, honoring the alkaline storage cell’s many achievements in pelting players from visiting teams. “The D battery is as synonymous with Philadelphia sports as intoxicated fistfights, cheering for a severely injured player, or intentionally vomiting on a child,” said Philadelphia sportswriter Ray Didinger, adding that the Hall of Fame plans to install an interactive exhibit that allows children to throw batteries at life-size cutouts of rival athletes. “Whipping the D battery at opposing players, coaches, or dumbshit referees is a crucial part of the experience for Philly fans. No other projectile has had the same impact on Phillies, Eagles, Flyers, or 76ers games. The D battery is an icon, representing the very best of Philly.” The D battery will be inducted into the Philadelphia Hall of Fame by longtime Eagles season ticket holder Drunk Tony, where it will join two of last year’s inductees, the glass beer bottle and the concept of booing. 

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