adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
End Of Section
  • More News

Dad Actually Yelled At That Guy

LORAIN, OH—Multiple family members recently confirmed that while waiting in line to buy tickets at a movie theater last night, local dad Jim Massey actually yelled at some guy. “He just turned around, in public, and totally yelled at a guy,” said Peter Massey, 14, describing how his father shouted at a man in his mid-20s for continuously swearing loudly while talking with some friends behind the family of five. “He looked right at the guy and snapped, ‘Hey, watch your language.’ And it was loud, too. A bunch of people heard it. I looked at my brother and we were both like, ‘Whoa.’” According to witnesses, eldest daughter Emily Massey refused to speak to her father throughout the remainder of the evening as a punishment for embarrassing her like that.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close