After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Dad Announces Plan To Honk When He’s Out Front

BRUNSWICK, OH—Announcing his intentions to pick up his 13-year-old daughter at 6:30 sharp, local dad Phil Cobb clearly and concisely outlined his plan to honk when he’s out front, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Just be ready to go when I honk,” said Cobb, who confirmed that he wants to be back home and in the door by 7 p.m. and would not tolerate dawdling, while briefing his daughter in the family’s four-door sedan. “Are we clear? 6:30 on the dot. Have your shoes on. I don’t want to wait around like last time.” After pulling out of the driveway, Cobb reportedly proceeded to lower the windows, turn up the volume on the radio, and sing along to the Eagles’ hit song “Take It Easy.”

After Birth

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