adBlockCheck

Dad Announces Plan To Honk When He’s Out Front

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Dad Announces Plan To Honk When He’s Out Front

BRUNSWICK, OH—Announcing his intentions to pick up his 13-year-old daughter at 6:30 sharp, local dad Phil Cobb clearly and concisely outlined his plan to honk when he’s out front, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Just be ready to go when I honk,” said Cobb, who confirmed that he wants to be back home and in the door by 7 p.m. and would not tolerate dawdling, while briefing his daughter in the family’s four-door sedan. “Are we clear? 6:30 on the dot. Have your shoes on. I don’t want to wait around like last time.” After pulling out of the driveway, Cobb reportedly proceeded to lower the windows, turn up the volume on the radio, and sing along to the Eagles’ hit song “Take It Easy.”

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close