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Dad Busy Throwing Seeds Or Something On Lawn

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Lawn and Garden

Dad Locks Into Elaborate Chess Match With Lawn Mower Salesman

TACOMA, WA—Intermittently shifting his gaze between his opponent and the product brochure in his hands as he shrewdly calculated his next move, local father Thomas McCabe became locked into an intricate chess match Thursday with riding lawn mower salesman Keith Porter, family sources reported.

No One In Family Sure Who Trip To Arboretum Is Geared Toward

SUMMIT, NJ—Filing uncertainly into the main hallway of the property’s welcome center, each member of the Robertson family privately admitted to reporters Saturday that they had no idea which of them their weekend trip to the arboretum was geared toward.

Obama Follows White Stallion Into Moonlit Rose Garden

WASHINGTON—After waking to a faint rustle of hooves upon fallen leaves and peering out his window to glimpse a silvery mane in the distant mist, President Barack Obama reportedly followed a white stallion through the White House Rose Garden in the early moonlit hours of Thursday morning.
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Lawn and Garden

Dad Busy Throwing Seeds Or Something On Lawn

WARRENSBURG, MO—Speculating that it’s probably meant to make the grass greener or fuller or something, living room sources reported Thursday that local dad Brian Winfield, 45, is currently busy throwing little seeds of some kind all over the front lawn. “He’s been at it for a few hours now,” said Megan Winfield, 15, who confirmed that her father is carrying a large bag around, grabbing handfuls of small grain-like kernels, and dropping them methodically on the grass. “He got up really early to do this, so apparently it’s important. He does it every year.” At press time, Winfield was reportedly standing at the edge of the lawn, wiping the sweat from his brow and admiring whatever it was he had just done.

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