Dad Can’t Believe Lawn Didn’t Get Him Anything For Father’s Day

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 24

More White Americans Dying Than Being Born

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for the first time in modern history, more white Americans are dying than being born, with whites predicted to fall below 50 percent of the population by 2043.

NSA: Surveillance Thwarted ‘Dozens’ Of Terrorist Acts

The NSA chief claimed that his agency’s phone and internet surveillance programs had stopped “dozens” of acts of terrorism, and the FBI director added that, had the programs been in place at the time, the government could have also preve...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Innovation

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Dad Can’t Believe Lawn Didn’t Get Him Anything For Father’s Day

WINCHESTER, VA—Telling reporters that he can’t help but feel a little hurt, 52-year-old local father Trevor Jackson expressed his surprise and disappointment Sunday that his lawn didn’t bother to get him anything for Father’s Day this year. “It’s not like I expect a big production on Father’s Day or anything, but I guess I thought my lawn would get me some sort of little present—a card, at the very least,” said Jackson, adding that as the day went on, he slowly realized he wouldn’t be receiving any kind of gift at all from the grass in his front yard. “I care for it, I buy it anything it needs, I spend every weekend with it, and on the one day that’s supposed to be about me, I don’t even get so much as a ‘Happy Father’s Day’ greeting. I mean, would it kill my lawn to show me just a little appreciation once a year?” Despite his initial frustration, Jackson later confirmed that taking care of his lawn is its own reward, and he was happy to simply have a quiet Sunday afternoon together with the patch of fertilized grass.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More