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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dad Can’t Believe Lawn Didn’t Get Him Anything For Father’s Day

WINCHESTER, VA—Telling reporters that he can’t help but feel a little hurt, 52-year-old local father Trevor Jackson expressed his surprise and disappointment Sunday that his lawn didn’t bother to get him anything for Father’s Day this year. “It’s not like I expect a big production on Father’s Day or anything, but I guess I thought my lawn would get me some sort of little present—a card, at the very least,” said Jackson, adding that as the day went on, he slowly realized he wouldn’t be receiving any kind of gift at all from the grass in his front yard. “I care for it, I buy it anything it needs, I spend every weekend with it, and on the one day that’s supposed to be about me, I don’t even get so much as a ‘Happy Father’s Day’ greeting. I mean, would it kill my lawn to show me just a little appreciation once a year?” Despite his initial frustration, Jackson later confirmed that taking care of his lawn is its own reward, and he was happy to simply have a quiet Sunday afternoon together with the patch of fertilized grass.

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