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Dad Clarifies This Not A Food Stop

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After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

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WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

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Dad Clarifies This Not A Food Stop

DENTON, TX—Stressing that they were there solely to purchase gasoline and use the bathroom if necessary, area dad Mike Whitcomb clarified while pulling into a travel plaza Thursday that this was not a food stop. “We’re here to get gas and that’s it,” Whitcomb said emphatically, adding that his three children were welcome to get out and stretch their legs, but they had better be back in their seats and buckled up by the time he finished filling the tank because he wasn’t waiting around. “I want to be back on the road in five minutes. If you’re hungry, you can have one of the apples your mom brought.” Sources later confirmed area mother Debra Whitcomb had okayed one bag of Chex Mix for everyone to share.

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