MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Dad Emotional After Son Beats Him For First Time In Game Of ‘NBA 2K17’

FINDLAY, OH—Gently setting down his PlayStation 3 controller and offering a congratulatory handshake, local father Gary Bullock reportedly became visibly emotional Wednesday after his 14-year-old son, Alex, beat him for the first time in a game of NBA 2K17. “I knew the day would eventually come when Alex would be able to throw down an alley-oop to himself using LeBron James in a blowout against me, but I was not prepared for how bittersweet it would be,” said Bullock, who fought back tears while fondly recalling all the long summer evenings he spent in the family’s living room teaching his son how to execute a flash pass and where to hold the right joystick to pull off the perfect reverse layup. “Occasionally I would take it easy on him to help build his confidence, and over the years he’s given me some pretty close games, but today we played a classic team match between the ’71 Knicks and the ’89 Pistons, and I realized I could not keep up. I bet pretty soon I won’t even be able to beat him playing with Jordan’s ’96 Bulls. He’s a man now.” Bullock wistfully added that watching his son beat him brought back memories of the first time he ever beat his own father in a game of Jordan Vs. Bird: One On One.

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