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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Dad Explains Obamacare

‘It’s Bullshit,’ Father Says

PITTSBURGH—After noticing a newspaper article about the implementation of the upcoming Affordable Care Act, local father Andrew Panetta, 53, made an effort Monday to explain the intricacies of Obamacare to his son, sources confirmed. “It’s bullshit,” Panetta reportedly said, clarifying how insurance companies will comply with federal law in order to properly set up state-sponsored health care exchanges. “All of it. Complete and total bullshit.” Panetta went on to conclude his seven-second explanation of the expansive new health care law by saying, “I’m telling you, it’s bullshit.”

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