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Fathers

Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper

SANTA ROSA, CA—Noting the 51-year-old’s increasingly flushed complexion, wide and intense eyes, and slow, heavy breathing during an argument Friday morning, local siblings Jeff and Katie Russell told reporters that their father, Dave Russell, ...

Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts

SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area father Don Griffith, 42, confirmed Friday they have no idea where he gets his shirts.

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...
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Fathers

Dad Frees Up Entire Day To Spend On Quality Father-Grill Bonding Time

MADISON, WI—Saying he’d been meaning to set aside this kind of time for a while now, local father Gary Plumber told reporters Tuesday that he had freed up the entire day to spend on some quality father-grill bonding. “No mowing the lawn or oil changes today—I’ve cleared my whole schedule so you and I can really spend some time together,” said Plumber of the forest green 22-inch charcoal kettle grill, which he reportedly sees mostly on holidays and some scattered weekends during the summer, but certainly not as regularly as he’d like. “I’ve put it off for way too long, but this will be a great day for the two of us to reconnect. I even went out and bought some juicy rib-eyes for the occasion.” At press time, Plumber was squirting lighter fluid over a layer of briquettes and was suddenly moved to tears as he remembered the day he brought the grill home from the hardware store.

For the man who spends hours laboring over the perfect barbecue, give him Dewar’s 12 Year Old Blended Scotch Whisky, finely crafted and still double aged for extra smoothness.

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