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Fathers

Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper

SANTA ROSA, CA—Noting the 51-year-old’s increasingly flushed complexion, wide and intense eyes, and slow, heavy breathing during an argument Friday morning, local siblings Jeff and Katie Russell told reporters that their father, Dave Russell, ...

Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts

SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area father Don Griffith, 42, confirmed Friday they have no idea where he gets his shirts.

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...
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Fathers

Dad Hands Phone Off To Mom Immediately After Being Wished Happy Father’s Day

WILLOUGHBY, OH—Allowing no window whatsoever for additional conversation to take place, the father of local man Luke Asbury reportedly handed off the phone to Luke’s mother on Sunday immediately after his son wished him a happy Father’s Day. “Wow, he didn’t waste any time—he just said thanks, told me Mom was there if I wanted to speak to her, and then got off the line before I could really answer,” said Asbury, 32, who told reporters that while he in no way expected to chat at length, he did anticipate at least having one or two minutes of small talk about whether his father planned to watch any golf that afternoon. “I don’t think we were even on the line together for 30 seconds before he started wrapping things up. In fact, this might’ve been the earliest he’s ever told me he had to get going. I can’t imagine he’ll be able to top that next year.” At press time, Asbury’s mother put the call on speaker so they could all talk, though his father reportedly remained silent except for what sounded like shuffling out of the room with the newspaper.

He might be a man of few words, but he knows good Scotch Whisky when he sees it. Share Dewar’s 12 Year Old Blended Scotch Whisky with Dad this Father’s Day.

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