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Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Dad Holds Best Buy Salesman's Feet To Fire With Question About HDTV Compatibility

CANTON, OH—Not one to be given the runaround, local dad Mark Shawsky, 56, made sure to really hold a Best Buy sales clerk’s feet to the fire while inquiring about HDTV accessories, sources confirmed Sunday. “The double-shielded wire is going to give me the best resolution, right? So I’m not going to get home and find out this HDMI cord isn’t the right one to hook my TV up to my Blu-ray player?” said Shawsky, decisively demonstrating to all within earshot that he was neither a fool nor some know-nothing off the street who could be taken advantage of. “I’m pretty sure this is the right one, but I want to know if you know. You’re supposed to be the expert. I should get the double-shielded wire, correct?” At press time, sources reported no one—not even Mr. Fancy Blue Shirt—was going to slick-talk Mark Shawsky into a bad purchase.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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