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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dad Immediately Develops Deep Friendship With Guy Giving Quote On Replacing Windows

QUINCY, MA—Describing how the routine cost estimate rapidly blossomed into something much more, sources confirmed Friday that local dad Mark Geldmaker immediately developed a deep friendship with the guy giving him a quote on replacing his windows. “At first, they were walking through the house discussing whether Dad should spring for double panes, and then all of a sudden they were standing in the middle of the kitchen talking about the kind of gas mileage the guy gets on his truck,” said Geldmaker’s son Cameron, observing how the profound bond that had quickly formed between the 48-year-old father of three and the local contractor intensified as they commiserated about how the city council wasn’t fixing the potholes on Newport Avenue. “Somehow, they ended up out on the back deck, and the guy was complimenting its size and craftsmanship; he seemed really impressed after Dad told him he built it himself. Then Dad recommended a deli nearby, and the guy said he always gets the Reuben there. They wound up talking in the driveway for another 10 minutes before he finally left.” At press time, Geldmaker was heartily recommending the man to his next-door neighbor.

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