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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Dad Knows Guy At Work Whose Son Plays Triple-A

CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Noting that the topic has been brought up at dinner several times this week, household sources confirmed Tuesday that local father Adam Pitzer works with a guy whose son plays Triple-A baseball. “Yeah, apparently he played Division I at LSU or something and then got drafted by the Orioles, and now he’s one of the best pitching prospects in their farm system,” said Pitzer’s 15-year-old son Trent, noting that his father emailed him the player’s stats page on the Norfolk Tides’ official website with the subject line, “This is Mark’s son!!!” “I think he was invited to spring training this year, but then got sent back to the minors. My dad kept saying he could pull some strings with Mark so we could meet his son the next time he’s in town and get his autograph or whatever.” At press time, Pitzer reportedly once again reminded his children that he could get tickets for local minor league outfit the Cedar Rapids Kernels whenever they wanted to go to a game.

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