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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dad Not Going To Pay Someone To Fix Marriage When He Can Do It Himself

FREDERICK, VA—Scoffing at the idea of letting some so-called expert charge him an arm and a leg, local father Dave Gordin told reporters Wednesday that he is fully capable of fixing his marriage himself. “I’ve got pretty much everything I need to patch this thing up right here at home,” said Godin, adding he could always run out to the bookstore for any relationship guides he might need to get the marriage back up and running smoothly. “These phony professionals are just going to rip you off, and half the time they leave your marriage in worse shape than it was before. It’s usually just a small issue with communication anyway, so I’ll just open up emotionally and it’ll be good as new. It’s nothing I can’t knock out in a week or two.” At press time, a frustrated Godin was beginning to wonder if it might be easier to just scrap this marriage and go out and get a new one.

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