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Fathers

Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper

SANTA ROSA, CA—Noting the 51-year-old’s increasingly flushed complexion, wide and intense eyes, and slow, heavy breathing during an argument Friday morning, local siblings Jeff and Katie Russell told reporters that their father, Dave Russell, ...

Area Family Has No Idea Where Dad Gets Shirts

SHERIDAN, WY—Saying he must get them somehow but that his means of procurement remained a mystery, the children of area father Don Griffith, 42, confirmed Friday they have no idea where he gets his shirts.

Area Dad Off To Bad Start With Waitress

BETHEL, PA—Following an awkward exchange in which Tom Richardson flagged down their server for "a round of waters" mere seconds after being seated, family members confirmed Sunday the 56-year-old father of three was off to a rough start wi...
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Fathers

Dad Reaches Age Where It's No Longer Enjoyable To Make Fun Of How Old He Is

ALEXANDRIA, LA—Area father John Siefkes has officially reached an age at which it is no longer possible to take pleasure in jokes about how he has passed his prime, family sources reported Saturday. "I used to razz him whenever we'd play tennis by saying, 'Looks like your eyesight is going, old timer!'" son Christopher Siefkes said while watching his father fumble with a can opener in the kitchen. "But now that he has severe glaucoma and truly debilitating arthritis, what am I supposed to do, make fun of him? It's not funny. It's sad." The younger Siefkes then opened a beer, sat down at the table, and contemplated his own tenuous grasp on mortality.

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