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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Dad Retires After Watching Football For 25 Years

TEMPE, AZ—Norm Roosevelt, 52, who has worked full-time as a Radisson hotel manager while watching football games, recordings of football games, and NFL Films highlight tapes since 1980, announced Tuesday that he will retire in early March. "It's been a good run, that's for sure," said Roosevelt, who had waited until he finished watching this years' Super Bowl from behind his hotel's front desk to make the decision. "But I think it's time I hang it up and spend some time watching my son watch football before it's too late." News of Roosevelt's retirement was received graciously by the West Side Tempe Radisson team front-office personnel, who joked with Roosevelt about all the reprimands in his file for watching televised sports on company time.

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