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Gift Giving

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

The Onion’s Tips For Buying A Wedding Present

Try to select a gift that commemorates the divine occasion that is the union of two souls—two souls who have entwined themselves as one in an ageless bond of mutual and deeply felt love, respect, and adoration—like a serving tray or a Bissell...
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Gift Giving

Dad Returns From Business Trip With Exotic Gifts From Idaho

ATHENS, GA—Following a business trip to the distant and mysterious land of Idaho, area sales representative Gary Chichester has returned home from the three-day sojourn bearing exotic gifts for his family, sources confirmed Sunday. “Behold, a lord’s ransom in magnificent spoils!” said the 43-year-old merchant traveler, presenting his wife with a delicate ceramic mug bearing the legend “Idaho: The Gem State,” a receptacle of the kind used for the consumption of coffee by inhabitants of the remote and alluring region. “And for you, my dearest children, these finely woven cotton vestments emblazoned with arcane Idahoan markings and with colorful etchings of an edible garden vegetable known to natives there as a ‘potato.’” Chichester then reportedly proceeded to uncork a vial of Crazy Rick’s Idaho Hot Sauce, a spiced distillation of the purest jalapeño and vinegar rarely attainable outside the Boise Airport.

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