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Dad Suggests Arriving At Airport 14 Hours Early

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CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

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Dad Suggests Arriving At Airport 14 Hours Early

CARLISLE, MA—Planning for his family’s Saturday evening flight to Florida, local dad Walter Holbrook suggested arriving at the airport at least 14 hours early, sources confirmed. "The plane leaves at 6:45 at night, and it takes a little while to park the car and get through security, so we should plan to get there no later than 4:45 a.m.," said Holbrook, adding that it would probably be smart to add an extra "eight to nine hours" to the car commute in case of traffic. "That should give us more than enough time to print our boarding passes, check in luggage, and get settled at the gate. Then we’ll have 10 hours to get food if anyone’s hungry.” At press time, Holbrook had reportedly revised the arrival time to 3:45 a.m. "just to be safe."

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