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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Dale Earnhardt Jr. Sick Of Everyone Assuming He's A Good Driver

CHARLOTTE, NC—After blowing the lead in the the Coca-Cola 600 by running out of fuel on the final lap to finish seventh, Dale Earnhardt Jr. expressed his frustration with his fans and the NASCAR establishment alike, bemoaning their inability to realize that he is not very good at racing cars. "I haven't won in over a hundred races, for God's sake, and it's not because I wasn't trying," said Earnhardt, who noted that his last win was in the LifeLock 400 on June 15, 2008, and which he claims he "didn't even deserve." "I get to be on good teams, for some reason, and I've had some big breaks, but I really shouldn't be as popular as I am. I think it might be my name." Earnhardt then repeated, for what he said was the "millionth time in [his] career," that he was not in fact his father, Dale Earnhardt, Sr., the phenomenally talented stock-car racer who died in February 2001.

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