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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Dale Earnhardt Jr. Sick Of Everyone Assuming He's A Good Driver

CHARLOTTE, NC—After blowing the lead in the the Coca-Cola 600 by running out of fuel on the final lap to finish seventh, Dale Earnhardt Jr. expressed his frustration with his fans and the NASCAR establishment alike, bemoaning their inability to realize that he is not very good at racing cars. "I haven't won in over a hundred races, for God's sake, and it's not because I wasn't trying," said Earnhardt, who noted that his last win was in the LifeLock 400 on June 15, 2008, and which he claims he "didn't even deserve." "I get to be on good teams, for some reason, and I've had some big breaks, but I really shouldn't be as popular as I am. I think it might be my name." Earnhardt then repeated, for what he said was the "millionth time in [his] career," that he was not in fact his father, Dale Earnhardt, Sr., the phenomenally talented stock-car racer who died in February 2001.

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