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The Week In Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.
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Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month. “Let’s see, how many miles was that Saturday?” Earnhardt reportedly said to himself before jotting down the mileage total, his full legal name, and the date of his 2017 Overton’s 400 race onto a form titled “2017 Driver Reimbursement Requests,” before rifling through his glove compartment to find a missing gas receipt from a race earlier in the month. “Jesus, this whole thing is always such a fucking hassle, and of course H.R. is going to send this right back to me because I filled out something wrong, like they always do. I’m still owed like 10 grand from the 2016 Sprint Cup Series, for Christ’s sake.” At press time, Earnhardt was reportedly explaining to Overton 400 winner Kyle Busch that the NOS energy drink he sprayed everywhere following his victory can count as a meal reimbursement.

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