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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Dan Dierdorf Provides In-Depth Analysis Of Player’s Shoe Falling Off

CHARLOTTE, NC—CBS color commentator Dan Dierdorf provided detailed analysis of a player’s shoe falling off during the Jets-Panthers game Sunday, speaking on the subject for several minutes as he determined the factors that caused the cleat to become detached from the foot. “A shoe just popped off, right at the 25-yard line, and it’s still on the ground, lying motionless,” said Dierdorf, who methodically scrutinized several angles of the broadcast footage in slow motion, establishing “that guy’s shoe fell off during the play.” “Wow, unbelievable. If you look closely, it appears that a teammate stepped on his left heel and it comes loose. And the guy keeps going without a shoe.” At press time, Dierdorf was sharing an anecdote about a shoe falling off during his playing days with the St. Louis Cardinals as the Panthers scored a touchdown.

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