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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Dan Marino Squeezes Harder And Harder During Congratulatory Handshake With Peyton Manning

MIAMI—During a post-Super Bowl handshake between former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino and MVP Peyton Manning, the Colts quarterback reported that Marino gradually increased the pressure of his grip to the point where, by the end of the 10-second exchange, it was as if Marino was attempting to hurt Manning rather than congratulate him. "At first he was smiling and telling me how great he thought I played, but as the grip got firmer, he started talking through clenched teeth about how lucky I was to win a Super Bowl," Manning said, adding that the more Marino's grip increased, the less sincere his comments seemed. "Towards the end [of the handshake], he was just glaring at me, saying, 'I would kill to be you right now.'" Manning said that the handshake finally ended when the "crazy" look in Marino's eyes eventually disappeared.

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