Dan Patrick Assumed More People Would Be At Craig Kilborn's Birthday Party

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 35

Sanford Vows To Complete Term

South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who disappeared for several days in June to visit his Argentine lover, has stated that he will not resign...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Spring

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Dan Patrick Assumed More People Would Be At Craig Kilborn's Birthday Party

LOS ANGELES—Following Craig Kilborn's 47th birthday party last Monday, former ESPN colleague Dan Patrick told reporters he was surprised at the celebration's low turnout, saying he was sure there would be more than six attendees at the event. "It definitely looked like Craig was expecting more people," said Patrick, adding that sports anchor Charlie Steiner didn't even show up. "There was a spread of food that could have easily served 60 guests, and tons of unopened bottles of champagne. Maybe I got there too late or left too early?" Patrick said that he took his cue to go home when an intoxicated Kilborn asked if anyone could tell him "just what the fuck it is I do for a living because I sure as shit don't know."

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More