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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Dance-Club Bathroom Left Out Of Gay Couple's Meeting Story

MINNEAPOLIS—During an anniversary get-together at their apartment Monday, Matthew Ledger and Dale Robertson told the story of their first meeting to a curious friend, omitting key details that took place in the men's room of a Hennepin Avenue dance club. "Oh, we met at The Gay '90s," Robertson said, making no mention of the fellatio Ledger performed on him in the second-floor restroom. "Matt bought me a drink, and we and ended up dancing together all night long. When his date was pulling him out of the club at the end of the night, he slipped me his number." Helen Meske, the friend who asked about the couple's meeting, said the story was "so sweet."

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