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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dancing Wild Man Strikes Again, Badly Shaken Bar-Goers Report

CALMAR, IA—With manic grunts, crazed undulations, and an utter disregard for the personal space of others, the dancing wild man once again appeared without warning Tuesday at Calmar's popular nightspot the Horseshoe, leaving scores of patrons disturbed and disoriented. "I was just standing there when 'Friends In Low Places' came on the jukebox, and bam, there he was," said Jamie McAbee, describing her third encounter in five weeks with the mysterious gyrating figure. "The next thing I know, he's waving his arms all over the place and knocking a beer out of my hand. It was horrible." At press time, the dancing wild man was seen violently bobbing his head at Roscoe's Pub.

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