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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Dangerous Mutated Strain Of Fernandomania Discovered In Rural China

SICHUAN PROVINCE, CHINA—According to reports from world health officials, farmers across a rural district of China are contracting what is believed to be a particularly deadly form of Fernandomania, the baseball-watching scourge previously thought to have been eradicated in the mid- 1980s. "We don’t want to say this will be a pandemic, but if we don’t get help to this region soon, the whole world might soon be wearing tight-fitting blue-scripted uniform tops," said World Health Organization director-general Margaret Chan, cautioning that the disease is still localized and has not yet caused people going to Dodger games to arrive on time or stay until the final out. "We especially advise Latinos, people amused by the jolly antics of fat athletes, and those easily awed by a wicked screwball to take special precautions to avoid contracting this. Considering Fernando Valenzuela hasn’t pitched in the majors in 15 years, this strain must be extremely hardy." It is unclear if the mutation could once again make the disease a threat to the people of Los Angeles, who were devastated by a catastrophic outbreak of Fernandomania in the 1980s and until recently believed Dodger Fever had been totally eradicated.

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