adBlockCheck

Entertainment

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
End Of Section
  • More News

Danny DeVito A Lot Taller, Thinner In Person

LOS ANGELES—After a chance spotting of Danny DeVito at Los Angeles International Airport on Friday, vacationer Ted Appleby was surprised to find the actor to be a lot taller and thinner in person than he appears on screen. "Based on the characters he plays, you're expecting something completely different, but I'm six-one, and he was almost at eye level, with a solid frame of lean muscle," said Appleby, surmising that trick camera angles must have been used to make DeVito look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's shorter brother in the 1988 film Twins. "And his face had these really sculpted, almost classical features. The camera really doesn't do him justice." Appleby added that he couldn't believe the flaxen-haired Nordic woman standing next to DeVito in the terminal was the actor's longtime wife, Rhea Perlman.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings