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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Darfur, IA Also In Pretty Bad Shape

DARFUR, IA—Residents of Darfur, IA reached out to the international press today, in an attempt to bring greater attention to the problems suffered by the rural Midwestern town. While Darfur locals readily empathize with the atrocities occurring in the identically named region of Sudan, many believe that short shrift has been given to the unique issues they face as a struggling farm community. "Sure, there aren't any Janjaweed militiamen tearing through here, raping and murdering women and children, but have you seen the sinkholes on Main Street?" said barber Gerald Pitkin, who later added that a drought the previous summer, while not comparable to taking refuge from murderers in the unforgiving Sahara Desert, had been tough on the local economy. "How about a little relief for us? This 12 percent unemployment rate isn't going to fix itself, you know." The Darfur community board recently organized a benefit carnival with the neighboring town of Tibet in an effort to bring more international attention to their terrible groundwater runoff situation.

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