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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Daryl Johnston Admits He Doesn’t Feel Comfortable Being Alone In Booth With Kenny Albert

DALLAS—Describing him as both “creepy” and “kind of a weirdo,” Fox NFL color commentator Daryl Johnston admitted Wednesday that he does not feel comfortable being alone in the broadcast booth with play-by-play partner Kenny Albert. “Whenever there’s a pause in the action, all I’m thinking about is how badly I want to get the hell out of there,” said Johnston, adding that he was disconcerted by Albert slowly rocking back and forth while licking his lips and emitting small giggles at seemingly random intervals during every commercial break.“There’s something off about him. Occasionally, without warning, he’ll move over close enough so that our thighs are just touching, and then he’ll stare straight ahead with this big dumb grin on his face. It’s really unsettling.” Johnston added that he is equally disturbed by Albert’s unwavering insistence that they book adjoining hotel rooms.

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