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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Date Of Apple Backlash Set For March 21, 2008

NEW YORK—In the face of Apple, Inc.'s 3- billionth iTunes sale and soaring stock price, some Wall Street forecasters are predicting that consumers will finally get fed up with the computer manufacturer's high retail prices and various product bugs sometime between March 20 and 22 of next year.

"At the current rate, we believe that at this time a sea change will occur in which people will look down at their glossy white or black devices and feel a sense of embarrassment and gullibility," Goldman Sachs analyst Steven Shore said. "They will realize that, despite all the sleek design, they got caught up in a wave of hype that made them shell out additional hundreds of dollars for options and features they didn't need. Until then, I would like to point out that my iPhone is awesome."

Apple has responded to the backlash rumors by announcing the late-October release of a mint green iPod in time for the holiday shopping season, a strategy that appears to have silenced naysayers at least temporarily.

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