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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Date Rapist Tossing His Mortarboard Into Air 3 Rows In Front Of You

AMHERST, MA—Moments after triumphantly pushing his tassel to the left side of his cap and erupting into applause with his classmates, a jubilant date rapist three rows in front of you reportedly tossed his mortarboard into the air in glee Wednesday, numerous sources confirmed. “Woohoo!” shouted the new graduate who sexually assaulted a sophomore female acquaintance in her dorm following a house party in November 2013, had his crime kept out of the public eye by top-ranking university authorities, and subsequently completed his college degree in the standard four years. “Class of ’14 rules! Yeah!” At press time, sources reported that the proud alum, who has a history of forcing young women into unwanted sexual situations without their consent, was beaming as he posed for pictures with professors and college officials.

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