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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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David Beckham Announces He’s A Quitter

PARIS—Following a storied 21-year career, global soccer icon David Beckham officially announced Thursday that, at the age of 38, he is a giant quitter. “It has been an incredible honor to represent so many amazing clubs throughout my career, as well as my country over 100 times,” said the quitter, who just gave up and took the easy way out after an illustrious career playing for Manchester United, Real Madrid, the Los Angeles Galaxy, AC Milan, and Paris Saint-Germain. “After winning six Premier League titles, two FA Cups, and two MLS championships, I feel very proud to [quit].” In addition, Beckham revealed that he couldn’t hack it as a professional soccer player, confirming that the 38-year-old is a pitiful excuse for an athlete who finally showed his true colors today.

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