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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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David Duval Still Shilling Nike Golf Products Years After Contract Runs Out

CHERRY HILLS VILLAGE, CO—Even though his sponsorship deal with Nike expired more than eight years ago, former world No. 1 golfer David Duval is still appearing on courses and in stores actively promoting the brand's products to anyone who will listen, sources confirmed Thursday. "He's in here about twice a week putting a Nike VR Pro driver in somebody's hands and asking them to take a few swings," said local Sports Authority manager Aaron Camacho, adding that Duval hangs around the store's golf aisles in his full Nike gear for hours at a time. "We've thought about kicking him out, but he's used and read about these products more than any of us on staff, and to tell you the truth, he's purchased more of our Nike stuff than any other customer." Though Nike officials have reportedly thanked Duval for his loyalty and sent him free products in an effort to persuade him to disassociate himself from the company, he continues to be seen in public wearing a threadbare Nike shirt adorned with the brand's patch honoring the victims of 9/11.

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