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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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David Freese Swarmed In St. Louis By Hordes Of Swooning, Average-Looking Women

ST. LOUIS—In the wake of his MVP performance in the World Series, St. Louis Cardinals third baseman David Freese has been constantly surrounded this week by dozens of swooning, average-looking women. "It's flattering to see so many plain women flocking to me, especially considering most of them look like they’ve probably popped out a couple kids and had to hire a babysitter in order to come out," Freese said as one woman, who wasn't exactly homely but certainly would never be described as attractive, planted a kiss right on his cheek. "My girlfriend was a little worried about all the attention I was getting at first, but then, you know, just get a load of all these fives. She's got nothing to worry about." Freese did admit it was better to be surrounded by legions of so-so women than the creepy, aging men carrying microphones who kept hounding him in the immediate aftermath of Game 7.

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