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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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David Ortiz Convinced There's Something Like The 7th-Inning Stretch But For The 70th Inning

BOSTON—Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz told reporters Monday that he believes an intermission similar to the seventh-inning stretch—but even better—happens midway through the 70th inning of a baseball game. "Inning 70 is when you slow things down and just take it easy-going for a while, you know. I think it's called the big break," said Ortiz, who mentioned that he had been "very disappointed" in May when a Red Sox–Orioles game ended after only 17 innings. "Everybody gets up to dance and also they sing a special song, like, 'It's the break. It's the break. It's the big, big break.' There are lots of tables on the field with food on them, and even a guy doing magic tricks. From what I see, it don't get no better than the 70th-inning big break." When informed that current MLB rules already include short breaks in the 14th inning, the 21st inning, and so on, Ortiz assured reporters that the big break was "bigger than them all."

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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