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David Ortiz, Jason Bay Yet To Complete Elaborately Choreographed Handshake

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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David Ortiz, Jason Bay Yet To Complete Elaborately Choreographed Handshake

BOSTON—Upon returning to the dugout following a two-run homerun Sunday, Red Sox Nos. 3 and 5 hitters David Ortiz and Jason Bay were unable to finalize the choreography of what will eventually become their signature congratulatory handshake. "No. You always point up to Jesus last," said Ortiz, Boston's leading slugger and head choreographer. "I like you, Jason. You're funny. But, come on, it goes slap, slap, bash, nod, hug, spin, slap, pose, cross arms, point. Not slap, slap, bash, nod, hug, spin, point, slap, cross arms, pose. I don't know why we would ever do that." In addition to their handshake woes, Ortiz and Bay have announced a delay in creating a dual nickname for themselves after Kevin Youkilis told them that "Jason Ortiz" was stupid and would never catch on.

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